so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
