my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
