Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
