Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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