sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
