I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
