I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
