Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
