On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
