we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
