Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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