Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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