He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
