no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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