I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize