Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
