I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
