A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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