you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
