You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
