He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
