New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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