I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
