Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
