he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
