Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize