ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
