hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
