Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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