Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
