I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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