Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
