Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
