cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
