Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
