If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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