OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
