On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
