just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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