just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
