I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
