I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
