There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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