Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
