just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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