We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
