we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
