yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
