I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
