Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
