just come out here and I will go home with you...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
