Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
