I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
