she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
