and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
