If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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