I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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