I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
3 2 1 whiskey
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
