Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
