I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
