The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This is my gift to your gina
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize