Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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