obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
