I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
