You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
