I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
