I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize