So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
