when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
