jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
