...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
