This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize