Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
