My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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