You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
