My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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