you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
