I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
