All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize