I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
