I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
