they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
