I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
