Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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