so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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