but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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