I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
