Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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