Just fell off a train. Bad.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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