nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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