he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize