I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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