Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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